Octoberfest

There's something about the fall that always seems to get to me. Sure winter has Christmas and all the family get together's, but fall is a more personal season. I say this having drank at least 5 beers tonight. I know that that doesn't sound like much, but for me 5 beers is a lot. Not too much, I'm not sloppy, I'm retrospective. Alcohol will do that to a person. Truly it's sorta like looking in a mirror. What you see in that mirror is directly affected by what is going on around you. Tonight I watched a film about a group of brothers that were all Jews during WWII. It wasn't a particularly awe inspiring movie. In fact it was another piece of film in which Hollywood removed any semblance of God and what He can do and made it look like, in the end, men are their own gods and don't need any help thank you very much. But I digress. The film, for me and my Sam Adams alter ego, invoked feelings of (and let it be known that I stared at the keyboard for five minutes trying to figure out how to explain what I feel) the film invoked feelings of missing something. And as I sat struggling to explain that feeling, I realized that I feel like there is something missing in my life. Like there is some mission to accomplish or some quest to complete and then the credits can roll and I can be content. It's a pretty odd feeling. I mean I look around me at the blessings God has given me and I can't help but be overwhelmed with the fact that I have ?may be? too much. And then it hit me. May be the reason I feel like I have too much is because I feel like I need to earn the blessings I have been given. Like, at some point I'll be able to finish something and say, "there you go God, even-steven! I now deserve the wonderful life I've been given with the beautiful family you've blessed me with. Show me the money!" The sad part about that feeling is there will never be a mission or a quest or a task that is big enough to call even-steven with God. So how do I overcome that missing feeling? How do I stop searching for a solution to God's grace and just accept the fact that, no matter how I've screwed things up in the past....he's still blessing me?